Tracee's Life Story

Telling my secrets to strangers is very scary. But by not telling, I would be robbing myself of the freedom it gives me.

As I look back on my life, I can see how dysfunctional my family was. My father was an abusive man, both verbally and physically. At the age of 3, I remember the police coming to take my father away. When my mom got abused, so did my older brother and then he would take his anger out on me. His anger was so out of control that I feared coming home every day, wondering what horrible beating I was in for. I truly hated what my life was.

I would stay at my friends’ homes and never want to leave. Their families had the love that I wanted so badly in my young life. But instead of love, I was given fear, hate, and abuse.

My longing for love and acceptance led me through numerous unhealthy relationships resulting in two children, an abortion, a suicide attempt and a job as an exotic dancer. I became very tired of being emotionally abused, broke, tired and sad.

I came to the conclusion that money would solve all my problems.  Working as a waitress in a large night club in Calgary, I met a drug dealer with a lot of money. Being with him, I finally felt that I was living the life I wanted to live: trips to Hawaii, going to hockey games in limos, eating out all the time.

Then the nightmare began. My boyfriend was almost murdered. We had 2 drive-by shootings at our home and were under constant police surveillance. I left my children behind with their father and we moved to B.C. to leave that life behind us. But it soon caught up with us. My boyfriend ended up getting picked up on a Canada wide warrant for numerous charges and was immediately incarcerated in Calgary.

My life then took another turn for the worse. I began to take pot, cocaine, ecstasy, mushrooms and crystal meth. I   had alcohol poisoning numerous times. My life was out of control and I didn’t really care whether I lived or died. During this dark time in my life, I would regularly go to visit my boyfriend in jail.

It wasn’t long before I began to see a change in him; he was softening. In his letters, a peace had developed and the incredible anger had subsided -- but how?

He had come to God. He would tell me what incredible things God was doing for him in prison. I would love to visit him because I could feel his peace. I wanted what he had but I didn’t really understand what it was or how to get it.  One day, a Christian friend talked to me about the love God gives. He gave me his Bible and I began to read it starting with Genesis. I felt so good.  I was beginning to heal physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was in my own rehabilitation program and I started to think clearly.

After a visit with my boyfriend in jail I had an incredible urge to climb as high as possible to get as close to God as I could. I came upon “Larson’s Hill” and it was there that I gave my heart and my life to God. Through many tears, I asked him to forgive me for the horrible things that I had done. I asked him to come into my life, and fix the mess I’d made of it. At this point, all the birds stopped chirping and as soon as I had finished praying they began to sing again. I wanted him to hear my call and help me. He did. I will never forget that day.

God is good. He is a forgiving God. He knows everything about me: every hurt, and every scar that needs healing. I am not finished my journey toward healing yet, but each step I take is with him.

“Then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back.” (Deuteronomy 30: 3-4)

I know that I am being given back my life. Everything that was taken away from me will be restored: completely and abundantly in God’s time. After 7 years, my eldest daughter is coming to live with my husband and me. My mom, after not speaking to me for 7 years, lives nearby and I see her weekly. I am closer to my siblings than ever before.  And best of all, I have the peace of knowing that my dad is in heaven because God granted me the honor of being with him in his last days.

If there is one thing that I can tell you, it is: don’t wait another day! Each day you live without the love of God is another day you are being robbed of the life God intended for you to have! Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom before you cry out to him. There is nothing that you have done in your life that you can’t be forgiven for. You just have to ask. He’s waiting. This is the most important decision you will ever make.

I look forward to each day. I will overcome all the hurts and become all that God has created me to be. How exciting! And you can have all of this too!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Who is Jesus?

How can I change my life?